Chapter 5

“What have you been up to on your own lately?”

Drich’s question caught him off guard. Quil answered as if nothing was wrong.

“I’ve had things to think about.”

“Think about? What?”

“What do you think?”

“Obviously it’s about how to study better and score more points, right?”

“You know me well.”

“Of course. We’re best friends.”

Drich clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, making a cheerful ‘tsk’ sound.

“See you later.”

He started walking. A place he could find even with his eyes closed now.

When he arrived at the warehouses, Twella greeted him by waving a flower he didn’t recognize.

“How did it go?”

Instead of a greeting, he asked for results first. Twella shook her head. She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue—crushed flower petals rested on it.

“I can’t eat it.”

“Try eating it anyway.”

“It’s just bitter.”

“If you taste it carefully, there’s sweetness too. Most importantly, eating this doesn’t make your stomach hurt.”

“It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t make the hunger go away either.”

Twella let out a deep sigh. She seemed too weak even to speak and collapsed into a sitting position.

“I can’t sleep at night.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I know. I know, but I can’t fall asleep.”

The area under Twella’s eyes had turned dark. Quil worried that those shadows might swallow not just her face but her entire body.

“Lie down and close your eyes. You need to sleep even a little.”

“I told you I can’t sleep.”

Twella grumbled but lay down on the ground and curled her body into a ball.

A body so small it felt like he could cover it entirely with his palm. It was simply amazing that she’d endured this long.

“Try to sleep. Eating and sleeping. These two things are absolutely—”

Quil closed his mouth. The sound of steady breathing tickled his ears. Twella had fallen asleep with her face scrunched up.

“And here she sleeps just fine.”

Had he ever watched someone else sleep before?

Quil watched Twella breathing softly, then found himself unconsciously grasping her slender fingers.

Just as Twella had done for him in the cafeteria.

Her finger joints were rough like tree branches facing winter. The hardships she’d endured so far, and the hardships that would continue ahead, were contained in those fingers.

Why did we change?

Why did the black food become revolting, the Sun disgusting, and why did he smell a foul stench in the Ascetics’ words?

Twella’s face, which had been scrunched up, gradually became peaceful. Quil carefully released her fingers so she wouldn’t wake up and stood.

He didn’t know why they’d changed, but one thing was certain—there was no going back to how things were.

All of this might be because of the ‘impure thoughts’ the Ascetics repeatedly mentioned.

Maybe the ones who were wrong were the two of them, and it was their sin for not correcting it in time.

Quilbion shook his head violently.

Then he stuffed the flower Twella had picked into his mouth and chewed.

Bitter and faintly sweet tastes rose up.

This was truth.

Truth that had been hidden by the revolting black food.

His stomach rumbled.

He needed to find things they could eat.

Quil looked at the sleeping Twella, then exhaled in short bursts.

Since getting caught might arouse suspicion, he’d move alone.

*

“The western annals of Sitpin…”

Students in black robes passed by him, talking about things he couldn’t understand.

The special children.

Quilbion watched the departing black group, then turned his head.

The road stretching straight westward.

An unknown territory that ordinary students should never enter would be at the end of that road.

His mouth went bone dry. What he was about to do was something that couldn’t be excused or smoothed over.

Me, who’s obsessed with points and worships the rules, braving penalty points to walk this path?

It didn’t make sense.

If he got caught, he’d arouse suspicion.

Quil kept his eyes on the ground and started sweeping. Diligently, as if he’d sweep away every speck of dust in his living area.

While sweeping the pure white stone without a single speck of dust, he gradually moved toward the boundary.

A place where two withered trees stood side by side like a gate. Only the special children could freely enter beyond this point.

Quil hummed a tune while quickly scanning his surroundings. There were no watchful eyes. Everyone was busy cleaning their assigned areas.

He slipped past the trees.

He didn’t stop sweeping. As if he’d been so absorbed in cleaning that he hadn’t noticed, he slowly but surely took steps westward.

When the students’ living quarters disappeared from view, Quil dashed between the densely growing trees on both sides.

Just a brief run left him breathless.

Quil looked around. Unfamiliar trees stood everywhere.

Drooping leaves covered the ‘sky wall,’ but looking closely, he could see red things among the green leaves.

He plucked a leaf within reach and put it in his mouth.

Bitter as expected. He swallowed the astringent sap with a gulp and waited briefly.

His body showed no particular reaction.

Like the fish, trouble might come much later, so it was too early to feel safe.

Next was the unidentified red thing.

He raised his broom and knocked down a red thing hanging limply among the green leaves.

The moment he picked up what had fallen to the ground, a sweet smell stimulated his nose.

He brought the round red thing to his mouth. Crunch—along with the sound came sweet juice.

The taste made his vision flash. When he came to his senses, he’d already eaten half of it.

An exquisite harmony of sweet and sour.

Quil felt something foreign in his mouth and spat the remnants onto his palm with a ‘ptooey.’

A black lump smaller than his pinky nail. Could this part not be eaten?

He split it with his front teeth and chewed. It was only astringent. He just needed to eat the red skin and white flesh.

Quil looked at the red things hanging in clusters and let out a dazed laugh.

Edible food existed.

It was certain that the Ascetics’ teachings and the information written in various books were lies.

He’d worry about their intentions later. He stepped on one of the small red things to split it, then put it in his pocket.

It was time to go back.

After confirming no one was on the road stretching west, he gripped his broom and ran.

He passed the pair of trees marking the boundary and calmly continued sweeping.

He shouldn’t have been caught, right?

While calming his pounding heart, he glanced at the other students. They were still cleaning their assigned areas with expressionless faces.

Just a few days ago, he would have thought this was natural.

Watching them endlessly scrubbing the white floor made the back of his neck go cold.

Clang—a clear bell sound swept over his head. Cleaning time was over.

The students who’d had stiff faces finally smiled brightly and opened their mouths.

They chattered away, looking terribly unfamiliar to him.

“What are you carrying around on your back?”

Drich appeared suddenly from behind. A leaf was held in his hand.

“Proof that I cleaned hard.”

If someone looked closely, they might realize it was a leaf not found in the surrounding area. He quickly snatched the leaf away, crumpled it, and threw it into the bushes.

“We’re learning from Ascetic Ketun today, so we need to hurry.”

Drich urged him to go quickly.

“You go ahead. I’ve got something to take care of.”

After sending Drich off, he headed to the warehouses. After waiting about five minutes, Twella appeared.

“I’m so sick of cleaning…”

He held out the red thing to Twella, who was complaining irritably. Twella’s nose twitched.

As if no explanation was needed, she put the red thing in her mouth and chewed.

“Wh-what is this?”

“Something we can eat.”

“Where did it come from? I’ve never seen anything like this around here.”

“I found it in the forbidden place.”

“…You didn’t actually go west, did you? Past those trees?”

“That was the only place left.”

Quil raised his finger and pointed east.

“We went behind the Mind Refinement Hall, all the way to where the sky wall blocks everything, but there was no food there. And starving has its limits too.”

“What if you’d gotten caught?”

“It would’ve been a problem. You know I’m sensitive about points. For someone like that to suddenly break the rules and enter a forbidden place? It’s obvious I’d arouse suspicion. Today was easy because my assigned area was on the west side, but next time will be harder.”

Twella wiped her lips with the back of her hand.

“I’ll go check it out. I’m alone during cleaning time anyway.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Even someone as noticeable as you got back safely. I can do it more easily. Besides, now that I’ve tasted this, I can’t eat anything else.”

Quil briefly explained about the forest beyond the west. There was no need to go deep, and the red things hung on tree branches.

“I’ll go and come back right now.”

“What?”

Quil’s eyes widened. Class would start soon. Twella smiled coldly.

“They said I’m not needed.”

“Not needed?”

“I guess I’m useless now. They told me not to come to class and to contemplate what I said. To repent for the crime of calling something disgusting when it was disgusting.”

Twella frowned, saying she was sick of it.

Quil stared at Twella’s forearm. The bruises that had faded were once again turning dark blue.

Sensing his gaze, Twella raised her hand to cover the bruises.

“Maybe it’s because I slept well for the first time in a while. I had some energy and smiled a little, so they hit me and told me not to smile.”

“Who exactly—”

Quilbion couldn’t finish his sentence.

Just a little while ago, he too would have joined the group and kicked Twella.

Because he would have thought it was the right thing to do, the just thing to do.

“It’s not your fault, so don’t make that face. I can barely breathe because you’re here, you know? If I’d kept being alone, really…”

Twella smiled awkwardly.

“So you can’t disappear. You understand, right? You have to keep staying by my side.”

“Constantly sticking together is a bit much though.”

He said it with a hint of humor.

A bell sounded in the distance. It was time to prepare for class.

“Go on. The others will be looking for you.”

Quilbion ran toward the dormitory, shouting back.

“If it doesn’t feel right for any reason, don’t go. I can bring back the red things next time.”

“Don’t worry! Like I said, no one pays attention to me anyway.”

Twella raised her hand above her head and waved.

*

“We must always remember. That the shell is worthless. That what’s important is shedding the shell and transforming.”

The students nodded at the Ascetic’s words. Quil reflexively moved his head too.

The Ascetic continued explaining with a satisfied smile.

Quil let the Ascetic’s words flow in one ear and out the other while thinking. The teachings hadn’t changed.

The Ascetics kept repeating the same story every time. There was no profound content. They just endlessly repeated ‘you must escape the shell and transform,’ only changing the words.

Why had he never felt doubtful even while hearing this content?

Just ten minutes of listening was enough to make him yawn from boredom.

He glanced sideways at the other students.

They were writing down the Ascetic’s words with happy expressions. Quil looked down at his own notebook. It was clean, without a single letter written.

He flipped the page forward.

[We must transform. We must transform.]

A single sentence filled the notebook completely. He turned another page. The same sentence still occupied the page.

What on earth had I been doing?

Fear grabbed him by the shoulder with a thud.

He turned the pages, turned them, kept turning to reach the very first page.

Not neatly written letters but scrawled handwriting caught his eye.

He read the faded letters in a low voice.

“Don’t forget.”

It was handwriting that seemed to scream.